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Windmills of the Minds

Counselling & Wellbeing Services for adults, young people and children

'When the wind of change blows, some build walls, while others build windmills'

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My Blog


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Eat your heart out

Posted on May 5, 2014 at 4:01 PM Comments comments (229)
I have a series of blogs of one woman's journey of her emotional attachment with food. The woman would like to remain anonymous. For this purpose I will refer to her with a pseudonym, Anna. 

Chapter 1. Anna wrote.

I have a problem with food, do you?

It is not in the eating but refraining from doing so.

When food is used to "fix a hole'', that maybe is caused by the loss of a loved, it can turn evil.

I am not thinking of how unhealthy my relationship is when stufffing my face with food!

Counselling can help us get back on track.

There is the old cliche ''time heals''. Yet over time I have gained excessive weight. Obesity is now a fact of life for me.
It takes a toll on my heart, literally. Far more damaging to my well being than the loss of past love.

Food has become an addiction. Developing an unhealthy attitude makes food a real problem.

Maybe you can relate. Food becomes the ......treat, comforter, emotional crutch, healer, soother, motivator, compensation, companion?. Far more than the physical need to eat.

Food is now my enemy. No matter how much pleasure can be derived from eating, food does not feel like a friend now.

The more I eat the more I want food. My weight now limits what I can do physically, affecting the quality of life I would like to lead.

 One of the ways I can help myself is by seeking counselling. That and other means of control over the addiction. Changing bad habits into healthy actions will be shared each day this week. 

Space and Time for US

Posted on November 21, 2013 at 7:03 AM Comments comments (0)
How do we know when we are burning the candle at both ends?

Are there signs we can notice in ourselves? Or do we notice them in others easier?

For me it took some years to notice my signs. Now I tend to notice early on. Signs such as  the way my mind is racing and I am unable to switch off. I notice I may be more forgetful, late or start to feel generally run down. I may feel more tearful at times. I may spend less time with people close to me. 

Do any of these resound for you in the way you feel?

Noticing our signs can really help us to stop and take time out more regular. Taking time out every few months tends to backfire as often we find if we have been charging at 100mph and not putting the breaks on. When we have time off we are prone to feeling ill.

What we can do is set time aside for ourselves everyday, even if it is only fifteen minutes.  We all have different ways to relax, to wind down and to reflect.

As the pace of modern society appears to beat faster, it is even more of a reason to stop still.

If we do this regular we will soon form a helpful habit of putting US into our routine. 

Think about what you do to take time out or what you might like ? Listen to music, exercise, play with children, go for a walk, bake, pamper yourself, spend time with friends?
How does it benefit you and other people in your life?

For me it prevents me getting bogged down,  tunnel vision and feeling ill. It helps me to give time to other people and to maintain a good sense of well being. An open mind and a sense of humour. I work much better and feel less tired. 

Most importantly it helps me stay connected to myself.

Meditation can be a gate way reducing anxiety and depression, combined with other self care routines.

Please take time to listen to Mary Maddox Meditation Oasis -fantastic guided meditations. where you will find free downloads. 

So let us  be the ones to create the life we want to create. Put into it what we want to put in.
Clear out what we don't need. In  a way it can be seen as a personal clean out. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Your comments are appreciated.

'Let go or be dragged'.

Posted on October 21, 2013 at 10:12 AM Comments comments (132)

 What emotional baggage are we carrying around with us day to day ? 

Considering what we hold onto in life emotionally will dictate whether we stay stuck or keep moving. 

Holding onto anger, hate, resentment and blame creates a sense of feeling stuck. We will feel weighed down and generally unwell. 

We may feel angry at parents, children or peers for not being there when we needed them.
We may say 'It's their fault I am the way I am'! 
'If they weren't like that id be different.' 

Shedding the responsibility  for our behaviour and our own actions onto others means we can stay happily or unhappily  where we are. 

We can convince ourselves that we can do nothing, so this is the way it is.

To take responsibility for our own actions means we can start to free ourselves from self deprecation. We can start to live the way we want to live. 
We can start to let go of all the fears that we have held onto. The what ifs ? 
We can begin changing our own ways towards ourselves and others. 
We can forgive ourselves and others for not being how we wanted them to be. We can see how life really is and not what we imagined it should be. 

At this time we may experience a sense of real loss of a life we had created in our own mind. 
Our sense of illusion turns into reality. Reality is what we have been hiding away from as it holds some truths about us, about our lives. For a while we may feel lost, confused, angry or low. These are natural reactions to the loss of our ideal self or ideal world.

When  we start taking action for own lives, we will stop to compare with others or imagine that they are living a better life than us. We will do what is good for us and good for everyone.

If you have seen the American History X, there is a scene where a man is in prison for a racist attack. He is talking to a an old teacher of his.  

The teacher asks him ' Has anything you have done ever made your life better?' 

It is one of the best questions I have ever heard and yet so profoundly simple. The impact of the question I feel is enormous.

When we ask this of ourselves this , what answers do we discover?

Seeking help through talking therapies such as counselling or support groups can help to make the load lighter and helps take the steps to create a fulfilled life.

Learn to really feel the feelings and then learn to set them free.

To watch the you tube clip of American X click on the link below 

Thank you for reading my blog.

Fear and how talking therapies can help

Posted on February 26, 2013 at 1:56 PM Comments comments (109)
I went on some training last week in Nottingham. It was provided by the Asylum Associates and it was aimed at Identifying Child Sexual Abuse.
I have been on various training course to identify abuse in families. This was different as it brought in people with their own experiences to share their stories. These people had overcome many fears in their lives and were following their dreams.
Also a Consultant Psychiatrist was there that I have met previously on training, called Dr Bob Johnson. He talks about fear being the master emotion.
I would like to reflect and explore fear in this blog today. I also read Susan Jeffers book  some years ago which really helped me move forward, 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway' , a great book to read if you have not read it as yet.
Fear to me has connections to anxiety. Anxiety is something that we feel when scared and fearful. For e.g we may feel anxious about starting a new job. We may procrastinate about finding a new job.
Why? Because I fear that I may not like it. I may not know what to do, I may get things wrong. I may not fit in.  Sound familiar?
Or we may feel anxious about money. I may be fearing I am losing my job. That I may not have enough money to pay the bills. That I may not be able to afford to buy food and feed my family.  At the root of that fear is that we may die from lack of food.
Irvin Yalom a favourite psychiatrist of mine speaks about death anxiety.
Death anxiety is the fear that one day we are going to die.
My father says he doesn't fear death but fears getting old and helpless. 
With all this fear around this can create depression and aggressive behaviour. Fear can cause us to act out of character to protect ourselves or others. Alternatively, we may be so scared that we are paralysed by our fears. That we stop going out, meeting new people and taking risks.
A certain amount of fear can keep us safe but too much fear causes pain and suffering for many people. 
How do we over come our fears?
Some fears may not be that deep rooted and may be easier to face, for others that may be and therefore take longer. We therefore cannot put time on recovery (Recovery is something I will be writing about in my next blog).
Talking through with someone about your fears and anxieties can help to unravel what may be tightly wound. Slowly we start to reach into our bag of worries or box of fears and take one out at a time and understand the fear. We learn to understand how it got there, how it stays there and what we feed it to keep it alive.
Slowly and consciously we can start to become more aware quashing the harmful fears we are harbouring. We then begin to feel and see changes in our lives, that open new doors and help us to feel brave and good in ourselves.
Links below related to fear that are useful
If you have experiences of fear that you haven't or have overcome I would like to hear from you. Or if you would like to discuss anything else you can email me [email protected]

Do we fall or rise?

Posted on December 1, 2012 at 4:15 AM Comments comments (246)
Here goes my first ever blog.  I am reflective on my last teaching session last week with adults. This was focused on reaching our full potential and striving for self actualisation for which the theorist Maslow developed. a link her providing a good explanation if you wish to read more about Maslow.

I ask questions such as 'with all the recent loss of jobs, homes and people's security will this prevent many of us from climbing the ladder to feeling fulfilled and reaching our full potential?'

I am not talking about being rich in money to feel fulfilled, though the reality is we do need a certain amount of money to survive and pay our bills. 

If we feel insecure about money, jobs, losing our homes, will we feel more at ease, a sense of belonging to society. Will we be able to concentrate on living instead of surviving. Do we become consumed by fear of what is being done to us and therefore we become paralysed and stuck?

Or do we learn to become more resilient and more resourceful in the face of adversity? Will we become stronger and our voices become louder?

Will we learn to fight for what is right for us and for each other? 

Will we become more of a nation that sticks together and supports one another rather than feels resentful about what other people get or don't get?

I wander 'when are we going to have leaders that promote this way of being to create a sense of community and help people feel a part of society and not a product of society?'

Personally I like to strive to be all I can be though some days are harder to do this than others and to feel safe and secure as much as it is possible.  I like to help others,  adults and children in reaching their own individual potential and to feel content with life and find comfort and support in being with others.

There is a campaign being run to end loneliness in older people here is the link  

However, this could be done for all ages as this can affect different ages Mmm maybe that is a thought for me and for anyone who takes the time to read my blog.