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Windmills of the Minds

Counselling & Wellbeing Services for adults, young people and children

'When the wind of change blows, some build walls, while others build windmills'

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My Blog


Im not going to be the person im expected to be anymore'

Posted on August 21, 2015 at 5:54 PM Comments comments (153)
The you tube video, now albeit from a after shave advert, the title of my blog, I am not going to be who I am expected to be any more to me once echoed in my mind once when I felt I had enough of trying, I felt the need to share this with others.

Having experiences of my own related to trying to live up to others expectations ( or my perception of them) also my experiences of working with others who feel like they are a failure and that they are letting others or themselves down. 

You will know the saying....'in a world trying to make you like everyone else, the challenge is to be yourself'? or something to that affect.
In the teen time,  being ourselves can be tough, right?  We often spend time trying to fit in, wanting the approval of friends or family. We may try to be something we are not, changing our behaviour or the way we look to be accepted. 

Thoughts like, I want to be taller, smaller, thinner, fatter, funnier, smarter, richer...the list never ends really when we are in the zone of trying to fit in

This can cause us to feel a split in ourselves, and conflicted that we start to become anxious, depressed and not liking ourselves much at all. There begins to feel an inner discomfort and distress, we feel panicky at being around others.
This can continue onto adult hood, we may study subjects because our parents want us too.

We may go into a profession because it seems sensible, secure and has long term benefits. This for some is enough, it some can be happy with this, even though it is not what they wanted to do. Money is definitely a basic need, choosing a lesser paid job that we love may mean we are happier but less financially secure. 
If you are reading this blog then I suspect you are questioning your self, your life choices. Maybe you want to make changes to your life, to take some plunges into the water of the unknown. 

A  suggestion is to start with writing or drawing your fears out on a piece of paper.
Ask questions?
Ask yourself what are you most afraid of, who scares us, what scares us the most?  
When did you start to forget who you are. What changed?  Who do we most admire in life, whose our role model?
Who can you be yourself with? 
What is the difference to some people you feel comfortable with and others you don't.
I know when i feel at ease with people, that I can be my authentic self, I want to surround myself with more of those people, who nurture and support me and it is a mutual exchange of this.
 I know I feel good with them because I look forward to seeing more of them.

How can you start to face your fears, how can you help yourself, who else can help you?
What will it take to piece yourself back together.

If you do feel like this. Here are some good articles to read that may help you.
This one is a great read on Carl Rogers one of my biggest influencers in the work I do. for Counselling/Parenting in Doncaster/surrounding areas and worldwide online.