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|Posted on April 5, 2020 at 4:18 PM||comments (64)|
I have heard these words many times in the therapy room. 'I am my own worst enemy'. I can remember saying them to my therapist some years ago. Now it did not happen over night, I didn't necessarily force changes, it happened naturally. I befriended myself , I do nice things for me, I work on making better decisions, I practice reassuring, comforting and lower my expectations of myself.
We can explore how we came to this place of treating ourselves badly?
We can think about where did it all start?
We may find ourselves creating havoc in relationships, over committing, letting others down.
We may find ourselves thinking we are bad people, not worthy, choosing less than we deserve.
Exhaustion and chronic fatigue may be physical symptoms.
Constant headaches from feeling pressured.
It may not a specific time or place when the blaming or shaming started. When guilty feelings propelled us into giving too much.
It is usually over a period of time, when repeated messages are reinforced, by parents, society, cultural beliefs, religion, peers, teachers.
Think about if you put yourself last or find it difficult to say no? Feel constantly heavily compromised?
I want to be clear, the way I practice is not about blaming others. Therapy allows us the time to understand, firstly what we are doing that's badly affecting our life and secondly the reasons. We can in time learn to understand how these ways of beings are now established in our relationships, decision making and life choices.
Imagine what it is like to have an embedded splinter, it may be painful, sore, irritating, you know its there.
It may be slightly embedded so we can see it, or it may have got buried beneath the skin, we may need help to remove the splinter. For a while it will feel worse, it may hurt finding the splinter, it may take some time. Eventually though, it will heal, you will not be bothered by it.
Therapy is about considering your own responsibility and what others are responsible for. Of taking responsibility for your life, your choices and your behaviours. To consider your own needs as well as others. Therapy might free you, liberate your choices and mindset.
Or choose to live a simpler, happier, more content life.
We can learn to befriend ourselves. Therapy is not an easy journey, for some it is a difficult and emotionally turbulent. For most, the feedback is, that it has been worth it.
Paul Gilbert is one guru for self compassion. Check out his resources.
Sarah May Thorpe.
Get in touch.
Book an initial consultation by emailing [email protected]
or telephone 07727115371
Visit my website - windmillsoftheminds.com
All work is currently remote due to the Covid 19 (Coronavirus)
If you are concerned about working therapeutically, over the telephone or video, lets talk about it, we may be able to reassure you of any fears or concerns that may be stopping you, or decide that waiting for face to face sessions is the safest option.
|Posted on October 21, 2013 at 10:12 AM||comments (113)|
What emotional baggage are we carrying around with us day to day ?
Considering what we hold onto in life emotionally will dictate whether we stay stuck or keep moving.
Holding onto anger, hate, resentment and blame creates a sense of feeling stuck. We will feel weighed down and generally unwell.
We may feel angry at parents, children or peers for not being there when we needed them.
We may say 'It's their fault I am the way I am'!
'If they weren't like that id be different.'
Shedding the responsibility for our behaviour and our own actions onto others means we can stay happily or unhappily where we are.
We can convince ourselves that we can do nothing, so this is the way it is.
To take responsibility for our own actions means we can start to free ourselves from self deprecation. We can start to live the way we want to live.
We can start to let go of all the fears that we have held onto. The what ifs ?
We can begin changing our own ways towards ourselves and others.
We can forgive ourselves and others for not being how we wanted them to be. We can see how life really is and not what we imagined it should be.
At this time we may experience a sense of real loss of a life we had created in our own mind.
Our sense of illusion turns into reality. Reality is what we have been hiding away from as it holds some truths about us, about our lives. For a while we may feel lost, confused, angry or low. These are natural reactions to the loss of our ideal self or ideal world.
When we start taking action for own lives, we will stop to compare with others or imagine that they are living a better life than us. We will do what is good for us and good for everyone.
If you have seen the American History X, there is a scene where a man is in prison for a racist attack. He is talking to a an old teacher of his.
The teacher asks him ' Has anything you have done ever made your life better?'
It is one of the best questions I have ever heard and yet so profoundly simple. The impact of the question I feel is enormous.
When we ask this of ourselves this , what answers do we discover?
Seeking help through talking therapies such as counselling or support groups can help to make the load lighter and helps take the steps to create a fulfilled life.
Learn to really feel the feelings and then learn to set them free.
To watch the you tube clip of American X click on the link below
Thank you for reading my blog.