We can explore how we came to this place of treating ourselves badly?

Think about if you put yourself last or  find it difficult to say no? Feel constantly heavily compromised? 

Or choose to live a simpler, happier, more content life.

Sharing my thoughts with you today about parenting in the millennium. Parenting has changed so much over the years, thinking of myself being parented as a child, to parenting my eldest and youngest child.

I strongly believe that the changes are a really good thing, smacking children and eliminating punitive punishments are some of the best things to happen over the past 20 years.

Reasons why? Let me share a few examples, punitive punishment that are intended to make a child feel guilty, ashamed and embarrassed of his actions is simply not going to help their confidence or the relationship with a parent strong. Messages such as, ' wait till i tell your teacher what you have done' or ' you are a horrible child for hurting your friend', are not going to teach them how to behave, only how to feel bad and guilty for being a child.Putting children in the corner is considered a punitive punishment and is widely discouraged.

The seasonal message used by many parents is' Santa is not coming now'... this breaks my heart because children are so vulnerable and believe what we say. To use presents as a punishment to me is setting a parent up for a really hard time up to Christmas, with tears and tantrums for all the family.

Teaching a child firm boundaries is essential, not doing anything or laughing at children for hurting another is going to leave you wide open for many problems down the road.

What we need is a good balance of discipline and love. Telling a child what they should be doing is much more effective in my experience of many years of working with children and parenting. Giving them choices and consequences also works really well.

Unfortunately we have messages on social media that say bring back old punishments. 

There's a reason they have been replaced because of damage to children's well being.

Especially when used excessively.

There are many ways to manage behaviours that will not involve hurting a child. Keeping calm and handling behaviours immediately will help you and your child.

If you ever feel like a stuck record then no doubt you are out of control and end up exploding at children because of the frustration. You are not alone, it happens. We need to learn how to discipline assertively, effectively to help our own and our childs wellness. 

No parent is perfect and we all parent in different style. However, when it comes to setting boundaries and consequences, having a clear plan of rules and expectations and agreeing this with a partner or other family will reduce your stress levels to a healthy level.

For more information on Triple P parenting programmes and family support please visit my website.

www.windmillsoftheminds.com

If you will kindly indulge me with your thoughts, i would love to listen to you on social media. 

Please comment below.

Have you ever felt lonely, disconnected, isolated? Most of us will experience loneliness in some form or another at some point of our life.

Thoughts such as, 'no one cares' and 'no one understands me' often arise at these times

Today rather than focus on the problems of loneliness, let us focus on how you can feel more connected to others.

Deeper, meaningful relationships help us to feel a strong connection with people. Relationships that are nurtured, equal and loving offer us a sense of comfort and well being.

A sense of warmth and feeling cared for.

First of all it is important in my experiences and knowledge, to learn to have a good relationship with yourself, yes you.

We need to understand ourselves, our likes and dislikes, our behaviours and what makes us tick. Being caring to yourself will mean you can give to others and expect that you are treated with the same treatment. You deserve to be treated well. 

Treating others with consideration and giving time and attention will often be given back to you in many different ways, by different people. Notice the difference when you go into a shop to buy something and the person takes time to talk to you, be friendly and kind. Yes they may be doing their job, but nonetheless you will leave feeling much happier than when someone has not looked at you, been rude or flippant with you.

Surrounding yourself with people who have similar beliefs, attitudes and morals to yourself will give you support. 

Relationships, the way you relate to others, is the simple way to live. We don't need to complicate the issue, we just need to recognise our own behaviour towards others and if we cannot change it alone find someone to support you to be able to recognise the reasons you may not be able to relate to others.

There is never a magic cure to finding an instant fix to our difficulties, however working on the solution and recognising this takes effort and commitment will enable movement.

To find out more on how you can find support on relationships please visit my website

www.windmilsoftheminds.com

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Soulmate-Experience-Practical-Extraordinary-Relationships/dp/0984562206/ref=sr_1_23?ie=UTF8&qid=1476572064&sr=8-23&keywords=relationships

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Loving-Yourself-Another-Self-esteem-Relationships/dp/0091856760/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1476571995&sr=8-14&keywords=relationships

This is what some people say and my thoughts and responses based on my experiences so far.

We are not able to change the past, we can feel differently about what happened in the past and learn to let go of being stuck in the past.

For some men it is difficult to overcome the belief that men don't talk about their feelings. Not all of course, there are some men who are very expressive. However, for some, it is a challenge. If you are feeling stressed and finding it hard to cope, being able to express how you feel with a counsellor can be a safe place to do so. Many men access counselling and find it helps them to feel more confident,  be able to communicate and improve relationships with others.

Irvin Yalom a great psychotherapist is a fine example that working in therapy with older people is very beneficial. Older people are facing different life challenges such as retirement, children leaving home, bereavement, losses and changes in body and mind. Having worked well with older people and seeing the differences this makes to their well being, I feel privileged to have the opportunity.

There are definitely no couches to lay on. We sit on sofas.

Many people now access counselling for many reasons. People of different ages and walks of life. Seeking counselling is a sign of courage, asking for help can be incredibly difficult. Also we don't have to be mad to be in counselling. People attend counselling for many reasons such as a life changing event.

In counselling sessions we will talk about how you like to work, whether it is in a structured or unstructured way, or using more creative methods if you prefer.

If you feel anxious and think starting sessions for 30 minutes will help you, we can be flexible.

No doubt accessing counselling takes time. If you cannot find the time for yourself it may be a sign that you are not able to make space for your own needs.

Private counselling does incur a financial investment, however, there are concessions and ways of budgeting money if you feel its worth it to you.

Reading material

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Loves-Executioner-Irvin-D-Yalom/dp/014197544X

http://www.mind.org.uk/media/494424/we-still-need-to-talk_report.pdf

Having recently recorded an interview with two fabulous women who are raising money for the Doncaster Cancer Dectection Trust, both also having battled cancer themselves. 

My thoughts to share with you, are around the little things in life...you know the things that really count, they really aren't the little things.  they are the big things. Things that really matter.

Whether that is the morning sunrise, the smell of fresh bed sheets or the warmth of your childs hand in yours.

The moments of sheer happiness or sadness that touch you deep within, births and deaths, moments of joy, moments that cause us to reach into the soul and find that place that can become hidden day to day in all the hustle and bustle of life.

The love that we feel for the ones close to us, family and friends. The time that we have on the earth, the sights, sounds and smells of the world. The sound of the sea, the feel of the warm sun. 

What are your 'little, big things' in life?

.

What makes you think of how precious are time here is on earth..time spent with family?

If more focus could be on these priceless gifts of life, instead of the pricey gifts of life then maybe we would be able to get our priorities in order, to feel that inner warmth more often...i know i can go off track about what really counts, then something helps me remember, such as  talking to people who are making a difference and care about one another.

I welcome comments

Thank you for reading.

Childrens counselling can be useful for many difficulties or challenges they may be facing and struggling with. Bereavement. loss, parents separating, self esteem and confidence.

Whatever the reason children can benefit long term from some one to one therapeutic work. Counselling can help release feelings, understand emotions and help the child to regulate their emotions. Behavioural issues can be worked through in counselling. If you child is feeling angry having a safe space to express this anger can help them to feel calmer and less aggressive.

Parents can play an important part in their childs therapy by listening to their child when they want to talk (not asking too many questions) and by sometimes seeking help for their own needs. For e,g if you are struggling to come to terms with a bereavement then your child may be a picking up on your behaviours and emotions, 

Parents can learn to respond to their children differently by not reacting, staying calm and finding time to your self to be able to meet your own needs,

I can help both parents and children to recover from any emotional upsets and create more resilient families.

Visit

www.windmillsoftheminds.com to find out more

I am sure if you are reading this and you have small children then you may find it hard to understand how parents may feel this way. However, lots of parents do and will.

Many parents feel a deep sense of loss and feeling literally 'lost' not knowing what to do when children leave the home to live somewhere else or go to university. 

 

Like any loss, the stages of grief may hit home, depression, being the most common feeling, mostly because parents (being one myself and having experienced this) feel a sadness. 

Working parents may regret that they did not spend more time at home with their child, or any parent, may have regrets about something or other and therefore feel guilty.

Whatever it is your feeling as a parent, be accepting of the feelings, there is no need to feel silly for feeling this way. Every emotion is valid, we do not need to push it away and try to get on with life, or be feel pressured to 'get a life'. 

You can help themselves by allowing whatever you need to feel, to be expressed and be fully felt.

After all, you are their mum or dad, or carer, grandparent and you have spent many years rearing them, laughing, crying and being there for them through all kinds of challenges.

Nothing you do can change the past, none of us are ever going to not regret anything, that is part of the process of life. In hindsight, we could have always done more or different.

Once we can fully feel the pain of the loss, this will shift, and we can celebrate a new beginning of the next stage of life.

However, be prepared for your children to return to the nest... but that is another story for another day.

A good article to read below.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/empty-nest-syndrome-the-long-goodbye-2330118.html